Struggles

Am I the only 1 who lately finds myself constantly struggling? There are a few things that lately I catch myself struggling with. Many of the things I find myself struggling with I am not proud of however I want to find a way to be proud of myself for the things that I overcome!!!

1) I struggle with TIME.. I can't seem to find the time to keep up with everything that is expected of me. I often find that we run low on clean towels, socks, etc.. I can not seem to keep up with the mounds of laundry that comes with 5 people in the house.  My house is no longer spotless like it was even a few months ago. I find that when I get off work I don't want to come home and do laundry, or cook, or clean bedroom, or scrub toilets. I find that I want to come home & spend time sitting on my butt watching tv, or talking, or playing on Facebook. It is like there is never enough time in the week to get things done. But maybe my problem isn't with time maybe it is a problem of how I am spending my time?!!!

2) I struggle with MONEY.. Often times I catch myself in a panic, stressed out mode because of money. I see things I want (not so much need) and I get angry because I can't just go buy it like others seem to be able to do. But really this is so silly. Why do I stress so much about this because God is always so faithful to provide for my family when I am not always so faithful to Him!!

3) I struggle with FRIENDSHIPS.. Why do I have to be 1 of these people that compares myself with everyone else?! I often find myself feeling like we don't have enough friends. I look at other people and they are constantly hanging out on the weekends with their friends and I get jealous because I don't have that!! I have gone from the spectrum of a) I am not good enough to z) oh well that is other peoples loss.. Maybe it is time that I stop and look at the friends I do have & realize that God puts the people in our lives that we need for that moment of our life. Nothing is forever!! I need to be content with what is provided because I have exactly what He feels I need to have. The friends I do have are amazing & I wouldn't trade a single 1 of them.

4) I struggle with SELF IMAGE.. Growing up I was always a little kid. Very short (not much has changed) and was skinny. I got made fun of a little growing up because I was so small but then came Brooklyn!!! A lot has changed over the last 8 years since having her. I am no longer this skinny girl but now well lets just say I am "fluffy" as Dawson calls me. I don't look in the mirror and see a "pretty" face and a skinny body. This is something I am working on hard! I am working on #1 getting healthy.. Who cares I am not a size 0 cover model?! My husband & kids love me just the way I am & God created me this way so why do I struggle so much with this?

5) I struggle with LOCATION.. It is no secret I was not a fan of moving to West Memphis, AR. I was quite content in my little apartment, where family was 5 minutes away if I needed something, and White Hall was the only town I ever knew (other than the couple times growing up in elementary we moved) but White Hall was home.. Then the call came & God wanted me to do what? He wanted me to pack up all I had ever known & move to West Memphis, AR.. I thought to myself ok God I hear you it is a new start for us as a family. The 1st year was rocky I didn't think we would survive & remain a family to be honest. I wanted my parents the life I had known the last 20 years! Here we are almost 8 years later & I often find myself still questioning God why are we here? What is it you want to do with us? I want to go "home"!! I have come to terms the last few weeks that maybe this is "home" I mean the Earth is our temporary home and we are only passing through. This is not where my real "home" is so it is time to put my big girl panties on and embrace where God has me right now!!

So I will end this with saying I will probably never fully not struggle with obstacles in my life. I mean isn't life a constant path of up & down? God is going to test us, but I need to decide right here right now if I am going to flunk his test or do my very best. It is not a test to study for but a test to live for!!! I am deciding right now to lay these struggles at my Savior's feet & turn them over to Him. I am deciding right now to start living by the words from His word & not the words I hear in my head of you are not good enough, you are not poplar enough, you are not pretty enough, etc...

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands. Psalm 119:73